When i was walking to work this morning, along the plaza of my building i could see three people standing inside, right next to their full length window. They were looking at the ground. As I walked past, I looked down to see a yellow-bellied sapsucker , a migratory bird that flies through IL on its way back North in the Spring. He had flown into the glass and landed on his back on the concrete. The other three people indicated that they were going to call the local rescue that picks up these poor, smashed birds throughout the city. But none of them were walking outside. They suggested that I turn him over on his belly, as if that would help.

Instead, I picked him up and carried him into my own building a few doors down. There i waited. His poor little body was moving in such a way that i knew he was in pain. I held him in my hand, close to my chest to keep him warm. He was still blinking and had seemed like he had calmed down a bit since i got him off the plaza.

The woman from the bird rescue showed up a few minutes later and i gave him up to her. She put him in a travel bag and went on her way.

He didn't look good when i put him in the bag. He probably won't make it. The injuries sustained when a bird flies into a window are almost always fatal.

Maybe with the right care he will hopefully receive at the bird rescue, he'll be able to make it back up North. Although, as much as it makes me cry, I don't think that is the most likely prospect.

It sucks to know that you did your best and it still wasn't quite enough.

Workspace redux

My boss has a tendency to hover around my cube. He is a large gentleman; about 6’5”, 210lbs. Loud as all hell. He seems to enjoy having discussions with the woman who sits directly facing me. I do not have a problem with this. HOWEVER, he likes to have these discussions either while standing at the end of my cube or standing directly IN my cube. So I have this behemoth of a dude just hanging out, thundering his opinions about FINRA this, IRA that, Institutional accounts whatever, right over my head while I am trying to work. Hell, it would be and is annoying when he does this when I don’t have jack to do. Its doubly infuriating when I’m busy. It makes me want to say, “STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY GOD DAMN CUBE BOSS-MAN!!”

So I tried it once. He actually had the audacity to defend himself. He said he likes standing there and that since I’m such a small person, I shouldn’t mind it so much. Yeah, I don’t mind. I don’t mind trying to throw something away and risking sexual molestation. I don’t mind answering the phone and talking into your ass. I don’t mind having my thoughts literally thundered out of my brain because of the cavernous echoes issuing from your great inner stomach depths! I don’t mind at all!!

Not in so many words, I expressed this. I even went the professional way and told him I couldn’t concentrate with him there. Again, to no avail. I was rebuffed. So I have had to endure his intrusions into my space. But it will stop. I have figured out a plan that will end this turmoil.

I will send a company memo out to all employees stating that I am officially changing the name of my work area from “cube” to “vagina”.

I do not expect anything to change other than the fact that henceforth, all references to my desk, cube, work station, etc. will be my vagina. If someone wants to drop off paperwork, they can leave it on my vagina. If someone wants to know where I am, I’m in my vagina. If someone complains about the papers and filing on my desk, I’ll tell them, “I’ll get around to cleaning my vagina next week sometime.”

And the best part will be that my boss will never stand in or around my cube again. The next time he attempts to violate my personal bubble with his never ending babble about nothing important, I will simply say,

“Please get out of my vagina immediately!”

or

“Please stop hovering around my vagina!”

or

“If you put any more of your junk in my vagina, I will be very angry!”

or

“You’re standing in my vagina and it makes me very uncomfortable. Please leave.”

That outta keep him the hell out of my way!

This is NOT an introduction

My friend Desdrata wouldn't let it go until i began a blog. So i did.

I'm not sure what this will become, whether something just between me and a few close friends, between me and absolutely no one, between me and gobs of adoring fans, who knows. the first is probably the most likely. at least I know I have one reader.

the root of this blog is a place for me to expel some of my more general frustrations and observations about what i see around me.

And now the obligatory "About Me" section:
*this is only going to happen once. The point of this is not to blab on and on about my feelings or family or friends. This will inevitable spiral downwards into brief moments of insanity, spiral up into other moments of lucidity, and generally hang somewhere in between fantasy and reality.

I live in Logan Square with my boyfriend and my best friend. And my two big baby kitties. as much as I love the other two people I live with, the cats are by far the most entertaining. I cannot guarantee there will not be posts devoted entirely to them.

I work a job i hate. I really hate it. While I was trying to write this, I was interrupted by one of the jackasses i work with.....

And now its 6 hours later and I still haven't finished my first blog.

God I need a new job! First thing: decide on a direction!!

This day has exhausted me beyond compare. And no one brought me that gun I asked for! My co worker asked me if I wanted something from downstairs and I specifically remember asking for a gun...AND ammunition. Fine! Don't bring me a gun! I don't care!

You see??? You see what this job does to me??

I will end this first post with a story from the dreaded job of doom:

I am now required to enter all the quarterly phone review appointment setting attempts on a new spreadsheet. I am to take detailed notes on how every phone call went, including the messages I leave. So I call these people. I leave very detailed messages in a very professional manner. However, when I record these notes, I tend to get a little on the creative side. Observe some of my personal favorites:

Message notes about client #1 who is from the south side: I said yo, whats up Big Frank. He was all like, I can't come to the phone right now, but leave a message up in the hizz-a. So I was all like, yo yo G Money! Whaz up wid it? Ma Main Man M to the Arty wants yo azz up in a meetin' pretty soon, ya dig? Holla back at me when you free up fool!

Message notes about client #2 who works in the dental industry: I called their office. The Lords of the Fangs were not available to discuss any dastardly deeds at the moment, but I left a message for the Dark Countess. If I am a good minion my mistress will reward me with small mammals on which I can practice my growing dark talents....

Message notes about client #3 who lives in TN : I dang left a meesage for that there wo-man lil Sue. She dun werent home, so tacked up dis here note onto her cabin door as to make sure she spies it when she gits home. I dun tol her dat shes goin have a review like with Marty fo the second 1/4 and fer her to go-on and call ma back.

Message notes about client #4: I called him, on a whim. I said Hi, he said Why. Sorry Nora, right now I'm busy. That’s ok Jim, I'm not in a tizzy. Nora, can I call you later? Abso-positively gator! He will call me back I say! Hopefully sometime before May.

Message notes about client #5: Left a message. But while I was leaving one, I fell down a rabbit hole and was taken on a long journey into the wilderness of a strange land. The white knight spoke backwards to me and my very life was threatened by a crazy red queen with a fetish for croquet.

Hee hee

I’m biding my time til they see it and I get a talking to…